Sometimes people do things that totally perplex you. Especially if you thought you knew them pretty well. Things that seem way out of character.
That’s been my personal experience recently, and as much as I’ve tried to remember it’s not about me – it’s their “stuff” – I’ve had a hard time letting go of it both intellectually and emotionally. As human beings we need to figure things out, understand why they happen, and ultimately have closure. Oftentimes those needs are frustrated. Which is where I find myself at this moment.
In the replaying of the situation in my head, I remembered some visualization tools that a wise person I know helped me use to let go of a past difficult situation. Much different stuff and deeply personal, but the tools really helped.
I’m sure these are very familiar to some of you already, but this wise person presented a couple of different ways to “look” at what you need to let go of.
One is the bag of rocks you carry around with you, with the rocks being our burdens, of course. We all have a few, and some of us many. But we can choose to put some of them down, lighten our load and walk on. We can move more freely, comfortably and keep pace more easily in life.
The other visualization is our bouquet of balloons that we carry around with us. This is a little different, because it’s about what’s “out there’” and public about us. 
What we show to the world, and that helps others learn about us and decide whether they want to interact with us or not. The key here again is that you get to decide which balloons you carry. Some are positive and some are negative – and that perception will vary in the eye of each beholder.
You carry them, share them with others, blow up more, let them sail away, pop them, or even tie them on a cat (not recommended). Wow, we do have lots of choices, don’t we?!?
Applied to my current difficulty, this person tried to hand me a balloon that she thought belonged to me but didn’t. Thinking about it, I believe the balloon was actually hers but that she didn’t recognize it. She “projected” it, if you will. We’re all familiar with, and certainly guilty of, projection at times. It’s an internal coping and self-defense mechanism. Basic psychology.
In the past I may have fought over whose balloon this one was. Having “been there, done that” enough by now though, I simply refused to take possession of it. The balloon was still hers to keep, try giving to someone else, or to let go of herself.
The funny thing is, I evidently still have a related balloon hiding in the bouquet. It’s the Misplaced Responsibility balloon. It’s the one we carry that makes us feel like we should fix things for others that are actually their own responsibility. Pretty much every parent has at least one of these.
I’ve had lots, have struggled to let go of many, but still have a few hidden and mixed among my Responsible and Reliable balloons. It’s my nature to take care of others, and is actually what I do for a living as a virtual assistant. (I shared with someone recently that I was voted “most prepared” in our eighth grade trip to Washington, DC. When a classmate’s sandal strap broke, I had a safety pin to fix it. When we were short cans of soda for lunch, I had an extra tucked in my bag. I almost didn’t go on the trip in the first place because I thought my family couldn’t afford it, so didn’t give them the forms.)
So now to let go of another of those pesky Misplaced Responsibility balloons and walk on. I did my best to understand and help. I offered up Compassion, Empathy, Positivity and Optimism balloons. She did not accept, but that is her choice. I hope she at least feels better knowing my intentions and feelings. I’ve accepted that this person will not be in my life for the moment. I hope that will change, but it may not.
Our relationship will not be what it was, and that’s okay. That balloon has sailed.
